It's been awhile since these were taken, but I want to share a few anyway. Here are Beckett's newborn pictures, which were taken on his one week birthday. In some ways he's changed a lot but in other ways he looks exactly the same to me!
One Month Old
What we did together this month:
-Listened to lots of Christmas music (mostly Mariah Carey, obviously)
-Laughed at Beckett's adorable facial expressions
-Stared at the Christmas tree with all the lights and ornaments
-Met lots of family and friends (Beckett is still working on matching names with faces)
-Napped
-Found ourselves covered in Beckett's various bodily fluids (sometimes all three of us at once)
-Had staring contests
-Spent a week at the ranch
-Kolby and Beckett hung out in their living room "man cave" between the hours of 12-6 a.m. several nights
-Watched The West Wing as a family while I fed Beckett
-Had a successful family errand to a mattress store and a less successful one to Target
-Went to church twice
-Spent uninterrupted time as a family, with the exception of 2.5 days that Kolby worked
Here are some of Beckett's favorite things in his first month of life:
-Motion
-Laying on his changing pad
-When we hold him and bounce on the exercise ball
-Baths
-Walks with his dad, in the carrier
-Looking at contrast (dark picture frames on a light wall, ceiling fans,
people with dark glasses frames or dark facial hair, etc.)
-Sleeping on his stomach on our chests
-Being swaddled
-Riding in the car, as long as it’s moving
-Mom and Dad's voices
-Eating
-Peeing on us
Here are some of my favorite things about Beckett:
-His milk breath
-All of his facial expressions, especially when he makes his mouth into
a tiny “O”
-How he sticks out his chest insanely far when he stretches
-His absolutely divine newborn hair
-The profile of his sweet face
-His inadvertent grins
-How when I burp him over my shoulder, he always gets in the sweetest
poses with his hands up under his (double) chin
-His tiny long fingers
-How he sleeps with his mouth wide open
-How he sleeps with his mouth wide open
-His impossibly smooth baby skin
-How when I hold him over my shoulder when he's hungry, he turns his
head to mine and starts sucking on my face.
It’s like he's a little starfish.
He's gotten a really good latch onto my cheeks, chin, and nose.
A Month in Pictures
It turns out that having a newborn is quite time consuming :). Particularly when your precious newborn doesn't care to sleep at all during the day, instead preferring to be held 100% of the time, and further preferring to continuously alternate between the over-the-shoulder pat, the cradled-in-forearms jiggle, and the hold-me-any-way-you-want-but-you-must-be-bouncing-on-the-big-exercise-ball.
I have no complaints about any of this---we hoped for a snuggler---I simply mean to explain why blogging is not yet on my radar screen!
If you can believe it, I haven't even been able get out my nice camera and capture decent pictures of this little guy, who is undoubtedly the most handsome baby of all time. I plan to remedy that this week.
For now I at least want to put up some pictures from my phone. Enjoy!
That Time I Had a 9 Pound Baby: Beckett's Birth Story
Beckett's birthday was absolutely perfect.
It was different than we expected, but it was completely perfect!
I want to document his birth story before
I start to forget any of the details. It was such a special day for us.
I had been having some signs of labor for
a couple of weeks, particularly several bouts of contractions and false labor,
so we knew I would go into labor soon. But then again, "soon"
didn't mean much to us because of course I would go into labor
"soon"... I was past my due date and we knew he couldn't stay in
there forever! We were just biding our time hoping every night that it
would be the night. We were doing everything we could to bring on labor.
We walked 2-3 miles every evening. Most nights ended with a dance
party in our living room to Vanilla Ice's Ninja Rap.
We were so ready to meet our son!
I woke up on Saturday morning (Dec. 8)
around 2 a.m. with fairly strong contractions. I didn't make much of it
because this had happened three times before. I did what I had previously
done and what they tell you to do... try to ignore it, then take a bath to see
if it makes the contractions stop. The contractions didn't stop and
started getting a little stronger, so I woke Kolby up at 4 a.m. to tell him
what was going on and that I was going to take another bath.
The next couple of hours are a bit of a
blur, but we started timing the contractions and by 6 a.m. they were very, very
painful and coming about every 2-3 minutes. We loaded up and headed to
the hospital.
I had three contractions in the very short
walk from the car to the L&D check-in desk. I was that crazy lady in
slippers crouched on the floor, gripping the side rail and groaning as people
walked by and stared :). But we made it to our room and got settled in
with our midwife and sweet nurse.
To back up a little, Kolby and I prepared
for a natural childbirth. To say we planned on one is too strong; we knew
better than to plan much of anything. Our objective was simply a safe
delivery. But our hope was to labor naturally as long as possible, if not
the whole time, although we were open to getting some help if needed.
Well, two words stood between us and the
birth experience we had planned
for. Back labor. I knew nothing about it, but a quick Google
search just now defines it as, "Intense lower back
pain that some laboring women feel during contractions. A few women even feel
it between contractions." At some point early on at the hospital, all
of the pain moved to my lower back and it never let up. I couldn't even
tell when I was having a contraction because the back pain was much more
intense than the pain from the contractions, and it was essentially constant.
I've never felt anything like it.
I was able to handle the pain thanks to
a lot of help from Kolby, my mom, our midwife, and our nurse. They helped
me stay focused with my breathing and also massaged my legs and arms to help
keep my body relaxed so that the baby could keep making his way south.
But after over four hours of relentless pain I can't even describe, I had
essentially made zero progress. Our midwife thought the problem might be
that the involuntary muscle tightness in my lower back was keeping the baby
from descending. She suggested an epidural, which would allow that
tension to release. Knowing she is very pro natural childbirth, we knew
she wouldn't recommend this step lightly. We took her advice
and I got an epidural at 10:30 a.m.
Oh.my.word.
That epidural was the most amazing thing
that has ever happened in the history of the world.
I instantly became myself again.
It hit me that we would meet our son that day and I just started crying.
I got to experience all of the joy and excitement that I had been way too
zoned out to realize before. And even better, I made more progress in the
next 30 minutes than I had made in the first 8+ hours of labor.
My labor progressed pretty normally from
there. The only notable thing was that when my water broke there was
meconium in the amniotic fluid, which is just a formal way of saying that the
baby had pooped in utero. This isn't too uncommon, especially in babies
past their due date, and just meant that there would be a NICU team present at
birth that would whisk him away to another part of the room to clear all the fluid from his airways
to keep the meconium from getting into his lungs. I was disappointed that the baby wouldn’t be
placed directly on my chest like we had hoped, but we had kept open minds about
how everything would go and were just thankful that everyone was still healthy
thus far.
Our midwife telling us it was time to
start pushing was definitely the most surreal part of the whole
experience. I can’t describe it. It was time, we were ready, and the moment
we’d waited so so long for was about to happen.
We were about to meet our son!
Let me pause for a second to say that we
were expecting a 7.5 pound baby, maybe 8.
We didn't have any sonograms in the second half of our pregnancy so we
really had no idea about his size, but my belly had always measured exactly on
track and suggested a very average-size baby.
In hindsight, there were a few signs that he was big. In the last several weeks my belly was
extraordinarily hard all around; the baby was balled up and filling every
square inch of space I had. Also, he
moved lower into my pelvis pretty early on but was somehow still able to kick
me in the ribs :). Expecting a 7.5 pound
baby was one of the biggest blessings of our birth experience. If we knew he was as big as he was, I think I
would have had a lot of fear about his birth.
I also think it would have made for a much more high-stress environment
from our midwife and nurse.
Thankfully, the delivery was fairly
smooth. I think there was a moment when
our midwife realized he was big (or at least had a huge noggin); things got a
little tense and she gave me really firm directions about how I needed to work
harder to get him out. At one point I
heard the nurse whisper to her that “we may need to go in and get him” and
that’s when I found a whole new level of effort. Beckett was born just a few minutes later.
I didn’t really get a good glimpse of
him before the NICU team took him, and then the next couple of hours were a bit
of a blur to me. Things post delivery
didn’t go great for me (I’ll spare the details) and I quickly felt really
lifeless and totally out of it. I
remember Kolby talking really loud to Beckett as the NICU team was working on
him, and then I remember someone announcing that he weighed a whopping nine
pounds. Some time later they finally
brought Beckett over to me and laid him on my chest. (Note how small the hospital hat is on that 95+ percentile head!)
Kolby was there and we had the sweetest
time as a new family. We had a playlist
of hymns going during delivery but I hadn’t been able to hear them the whole
time. As Kolby and I had our heads
leaned together and were staring at our sweet little boy, Great is Thy Faithfulness came on and I could hear it as clear as
can be. I don’t mind that I didn’t get
to hold him right away or that I became too anemic to have hardly any memories
of his birth—that moment was everything I was wanting and so much more. It was what I had dreamed about for years.
Here are a few more pictures from his
birth day.
Our little fatty:
Proud dad (again notice the too-small hat, cracks me up!):
First picture as a new family:
Our sweet bundle of joy:
It was an amazing day that ended with us snuggling the most amazing little boy we have ever laid eyes on. We are blessed beyond measure to get to be his parents!
***
Great is Thy faithfulness! Great is Thy faithfulness!Morning by morning new mercies I see;
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided—
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!
Birth Announcement
I still don't have time to blog quite yet, but here is a little something until I do.
He's about the sweetest thing I've ever seen. Ever.
He's Here!
With so much joy and gratitude, we introduce our son
Beckett Miller
Born on Saturday, December 8, 2012
4:02pm
9 pounds
21 inches long
We are all doing great! Details and a million more pictures to come!
Still Waiting...
*This should have posted last week but it didn't go through for some reason.*
"Worry implies that we don’t quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what is happening in our lives." -Francis Chan, Crazy Love
"Worry implies that we don’t quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what is happening in our lives." -Francis Chan, Crazy Love
Well, our due date came and went. Oh well. It was only a date on our calendar; it wasn't on Beckett's. He'll come when he's good and ready!
Also, we found out last Friday that B has developed a heart arrythmia, called fetal premature atrial contraction (PAC). That's just a fancy term for an irregular heartbeat. It happens in 1-2% of pregnancies. It usually resolves itself spontaneously prior to delivery. If not, it usually resolves itself in the first six weeks.
Although neither of these things are really any cause for concern, it's hard to not worry. Will he ever come on his own? How will labor go given that he'll be bigger? Will his sweet little heart revert to a normal rhythm by the time we meet him? Will he need any special care if it doesn't?
These things cross my mind on occasion, but I don't let them stay. After the past few years, it's easy to remind myself that I'm not in control of any of this. I'm just along for the ride. God knows Beckett's birthday and each beat of his heart, just as He knows the number of hairs on his head and a million other things that we don't.
So, I fix my mind instead on daydreaming of the big day. The thrill of realizing "it's time." Driving to the hospital. Kolby. The teamwork of labor. Family waiting. Friends waiting. The moment we meet our son. The moment I hold him. The moment I take a good look at his face, take it all in. Kolby. Realizing this is real---that we have a child of our own. Oh my..... I just can't wait!!!
Here's to hoping that 40 weeks will be our last pregnancy picture!
December
Well, it appears we are having a December baby! Our doctor thought he might come early, and Kolby has been convinced for weeks that he’d be here any day now. As much as I also hoped that would be the case, I had a gut feeling it would be December.
December is a really special month for us. We were married on December 15 five years ago, and all of the Christmas decorations, music, and spirit added so much joy to the time surrounding our wedding. I love everything about December and the Christmas season. I love that our anniversary falls so close to Christmas and that every year it’s surrounded by such fun times with Kolby—putting up our Christmas lights, picking out and decorating our tree, shopping and wrapping together, and going out to nice dinners on chilly evenings and getting to enjoy all of the Christmas lights and decorations as we drive around. I especially love the season of Advent—the warmth of gathering as a church family and preparing for the celebration of Christ’s birth. Then of course there is Christmas itself, and it is always such a blessing to celebrate such a meaningful holiday with each other and with our families.
I remember last December vividly. I just knew in my heart that it was the month we would find out we were pregnant. Sure the odds were against us, but it was December—it was “our” month! I wrote the whole story in my head. I know God really had some good laughs at ME writing the story, as if it was mine to write. It just all made sense to me… the waiting, the infertility, the holding onto hope… it would all end in this clever way: God would bless us with a child in our special month of December.
But December came and went. I almost didn’t believe the negative pregnancy test when I saw it. How could I be wrong, when the story I had written felt so right? I was devastated.
That was last December. And things got much worse from there, with the cyst, endometriosis diagnosis, advice to take a break, scheduled surgery, etc.
But what about this December? This December we will welcome our son into our family. A precious gift from God, given to us in His perfect timing and only possible through His miraculous power.
Yep, December is a really special month for us!
The Waiting Game
The waiting game is on. I could go into labor in a matter of hours, or it could be days or even weeks away. What a strange feeling! I've been having some contractions in the last couple of weeks, but nothing consistent at all. I can't get over how crazy it is to now be in this "any day now" phase. It is really, really exciting!
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We are so ready. We have accomplished every single thing on our to-do list. Plus some. Our calendar is completely clear, since we weren't sure when he'd come. So basically we just get home from work and stare at each other :). Last night we played games and watched a movie. But there is really nothing that can distract us from the excitement and anticipation. Neither of us are sleeping well. Beckett-- we are SO ready for you to come. Please come soon!!! I honestly don't think your dad will survive another week of waiting for you.
I had been nesting in a big way, but now there is really nothing left to be done. The nursery is ready. All the baby stuff is washed. His tiny, precious clothes are hung in the closet or arranged neatly in the dresser. My car is clean and has the car seat installed. The house is spotless. The pantry and refrigerator/freezer are stocked with everything we'll need for a couple of weeks following his arrival. The garage "guest house" is ready for my mom (and maybe dad, too) to come stay for awhile. We've switched out our summer clothes for winter ones (are we going to have a winter this year?). Our Christmas lights are up. We picked out and decorated our tree, and all of our gifts have been purchased, wrapped, and placed neatly underneath it.
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We even squeezed in a couple nights at a nearby bed & breakfast as a last getaway. I'm not sure there is anything at all left to do! Kolby has even been nesting. In addition to happily helping me with the long list of things to do, he raked and bagged up the leaves in the yard, installed new smoke detectors in every room in the house, and makes sure the kitchen is clean every night before going to bed.
So now, we wait!
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